for anyone visiting maryland who wants to do a better job blending in and looking like a local, here are a few pointers that will help you drive like you’re from MD. i’ve based this little tutorial on my observations over the past 2 years or so of driving around the MD area.

1. always back into parking spots, even if there are other cars in the same parking lot aisle waiting for you to get out of the way, and even if it takes you 10 times as long to back it in.

2. when merging onto a large highway, take as long as you can go from the 25 mph on you did on the ramp to the 55 mph that everyone else is doing around you. also, dont bother checking your rearview mirror or blind spot.

3. if precipitation starts to fall, slow down to 50% of the speed limit and randomly crash into another car for no apparent reason. extra credit if your accident occurs on a major highway during rush hour.

4. if you miss your exit, pull over to the shoulder and reverse until you get back to the exit. go ahead and take the exit, again without checking your rearview mirror or blind spot.

optional: while driving, if you have the urge to hit some golf balls but dont see a driving range nearby, pull over and start hitting some balls from the median (yes, the grassy area between the lanes of the highway). i witnessed this insane behavior once and i had no doubt that the driver/golfer was from maryland.